Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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