Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
