Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
