I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
