Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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