Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
