Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
