i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
