he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
