I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
All I want is dick and wine.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
