She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Randomize
