There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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