I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
