i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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