i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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