I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
40s are totally the cure
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
A bitchslap is in order.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
