Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
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