I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
being pregnant is like rehab
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
