either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
a search helicopter?!
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
