a queef is a wish your heart makes.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
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