SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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