I think i peed on brittanys purse
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
