I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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