so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize
