I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
