So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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