She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
