I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
