so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
