hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
