So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
