does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
