problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Congratulations! We have a period
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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