I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
