I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
