im six kinds of drunk right now
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
