Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize