I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
