hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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