I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
he's gonorrhea incarnate
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
