Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
