I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I cut my penus on the lid.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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