covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
