I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
