I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Randomize
