I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
