If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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