Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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