My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
