my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
