Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
