1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
