just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
