What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
