It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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