ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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