I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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