hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
