How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Randomize