we're making bets on your personal life
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
