Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
