He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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