The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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