yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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