just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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