i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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