i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
