the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Randomize
