Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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