today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
third nipple confirmed
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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