ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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