I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
