you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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